Going the Distance
by homestuckloser
Summary: Eridan never thought he'd manage to find himself in a long distance relationship, but when he stumbles across Aradia's online dating profile, it's hard for him not to find himself immediately intrigued. Unfortunately, if she ever finds out she's talking to Eridan, it'd be the end of their budding relationship. Eriara/Crofef.
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE:** I'm posting this story mainly on AO3, so if you'd like to read new chapters as soon as their posted then you can find this story under my AO3 account, draftpirate.

I personally recommend doing so because it's a better reading experience; since a good portion of the story will involve messenger dialogue, the username colors and quirks are shown on AO3 which makes it easier to read.

Hope you like it!

* * *

Your name is Aradia Megido, and you've been accepted to participate in an all expenses paid, seven-month long archaeological dig in the southern regions of France for the upcoming summer and fall semester, thanks to an insane five-thousand word essay on the topic written by yourself and your overall enthusiasm for digging holes and getting ridiculously filthy.

You'd received the letter in the mail this morning, and to be honest, it wasn't like you _weren't_ going to be one of the ten chosen students. There's not a single person in your major who's more passionate about the field of archaeology than you are, so it was a given.

This still doesn't change the fact that you've been running on a natural high the whole day, and you can barely contain your excitement as you tell your boyfriend of four years the great news over coffee at the local shop on campus while trying to sort out the bills to your shared apartment.

He doesn't seem all that amused.

"Nine months, all expenses paid!" you repeat for what has to be the eighth time in the last two hours. Sollux just nods in acknowledgement as he shuffles through some papers. "I just can't believe it. It's like a dream come true!"

"Yeah. So are you gonna hand me the electric bill anytime soon or should I just reach over and grab it."

You take a second to breathe and pass him the bill you'd been waving around in the midst of your excitement, completely forgetting what you were even doing. "What do you think we'd even find in France? I've never really given it much thought for digs, to be honest."

"I dunno. Fossilized French stuff, I guess."

You frown. "Am I talking too much?"

"No, it's fine. I'm really happy for you, AA."

"Well you don't _seem_ to be very happy for me," you point out. "All you've done since we ordered our drinks is sort of blow me off. I know you're already moody to begin with but if I'm doing something that's bothering you specifically, just tell me!"

He shakes his head. "It's just the fucking music in here; this indie bullshit," he grumbles and gives a non-committal wave at the speakers in the ceiling. You giggle at the prominence of his lisp.

"You sure that's all?"

"Well, I mean I'm not exactly ecstatic about you leaving for so long, so there's that."

You reach across the table and envelope his letter-full hand in yours, making him drop the bill and meet your gaze. You give him a squeeze and a reassuring smile, something to let him know you understand. "It's not permanent, babe. Watch, six months will fly by in no time! You'll probably even wish you had the apartment to yourself for longer."

He shrugs. "what about us, AA?"

"We've been together for _four years,_ Sollux. I don't see how doing this long distance for just a little while would be a problem. There's texting, email, Skype..." You pause and smirk. "Seriously, it's perfect. I mean, you're always glued to your computer, anyways."

He pulls his hand from your grasp and turns to his focus back onto the bills for most part. "I don't know. I don't really think I can deal with a long distance relationship."

You furrow your brows and rest your chin in the palm of your hand, leaning forward. "So... what does that mean, exactly?"

"Look, ever since you signed up for that stupid thing last month, I've been thinking about you and me a lot, and..." He sighs, takes his glasses off and digs the heels of his palms into his eyes. He's stressed. "If you're really gonna go through with this, then maybe we should just... I dunno. Call it quits."

You don't even attempt to hide your shocked expression as you openly gape at him from across the table. It almost sounds as if the music and the chatter around you has dialed down considerably, but you're pretty sure that nobody is actually paying the two of you any attention.

"Call it _quits?"_ you repeat a little too loud. He flinches but doesn't look at you. "We've been together since we were fourteen years old, have been through _so_ much, and you're seriously okay with just throwing all of this away because I have a chance to go and do something _amazing?"_

"No, that's not why!"

"Then please, enlighten me, Sollux!"

He huffs and gives you this look as if you've betrayed him. You don't think you're deserving of that at all. "It's just, this is our first year in college and I really don't think it's a good idea for us to be apart for that long. We already have to deal with the distance between us from our confliction schedules."

"I thought we were doing just fine?"

"And not only that," he continues, "but you know, if this is how it's always gonna be after we graduate—you leaving constantly to go dig holes in _where-the-fuck-ever—"_

"Well of course it's going to be like that at least a good deal of the time; I'm going to be an archaeologist!" you cut him off. "But that doesn't mean you can't come with me. I was hoping you actually would!"

"That's the thing though, AA!" He slams a hand down on the table in frustration. People are officially starting to notice the argument between the two of you, but you pay them no mind. "I'm just not into all this stuff like you are—okay, I like staying at home and coding from the comfort of my living room, not some desert or jungle or whatever depending on the county of the week I'm going to be stuck in because my girlfriend dragged me there!"

You shake your head in disbelief. "I cannot _believe_ how selfish you are being right now, Sollux. Sorry for thinking you'd actually enjoy a bit of adventure, but I never said you _had_ to come with me. You can stay at home if you want; I don't care!"

"You're completely missing the point!"

"No, I get it. Whatever," You stand up and shove your chair back. Everyone in the coffee shop has their eyes on you. "If you wanted to break up with me so bad then you could have just told me instead of blaming it on what I want to do with my life."

He gets up and reaches for you arm to stop you but jerk it away. "I don't want to break up, AA! I just don't think it'd be a healthy relationship if you're gone all the time!"

"Well, sorry for wasting your time then," you spit venomously and storm towards the door. You just want to get out of there before Sollux gets the stupid idea to run after you so he could try and talk more 'sense' into his logic.

Hopefully you can get to your apartment and pack your bags before he gets home. You're pretty sure you can stay a few nights with Tavros and his sort of insane girlfriend, Vriska, until it's time for you to leave for France. You could also go and stay at your older sister's place, but you'd really rather just not.

You're almost out the door when it bounces off of something and loud 'fuck!' rings out. Alarmed, you pull yourself out of your thoughts and look down at the man on the ground at your feet, clutching his nose as blood dribbles down his chin.

"Oh my God—I'm so sorry!" you apologize frantically. "Are you alright?" You lean down and try to offer him a hand but he just bats it away irritably.

"Don't you fuckin' touch me," he seethes and gets up on his own, one hand still nursing his bloody nose. "You think you could watch where you're fuckin' goin', perhaps?"

As soon as you hear that ridiculous pompous-sounding voice laced with a barely noticeable Irish accent, it dawns on you just who you've managed to maim; resident stuck-up rich boy and Dualscar Industries heir, Eridan Ampora.

_Shit—_now you'd never hear the end of it.

"Well? I asked you a question!"

You've never really had a problem with Eridan, personally. The only contact the two of you ever had aside was through get-togethers and online MMORPGs with mutual friends, and to say that you were acquaintances would be an overstatement. He's always had this unreasonable contempt for you and everyone else who was apparently 'beneath him,' and he never failed to remind you that you were nothing more than a waste of space to him at any given chance he had if he wasn't just straight up ignoring your presence altogether.

Sure he ruffles your feathers, but you don't let him get to you for the most part. After all, if you had such a horrible sense of fashion and were in love with someone who couldn't see you as anything more than a friend you suppose you'd be a little rough around the edges, too.

The fact that he's always been a little crazy with his irrational socio-political ideas doesn't help either, but Eridan is anything but an actual threat. Everyone you know, yourself included, regards him as a total basket case who's in severe need of a reality check. It's a wonder how Feferi manages to put up with having him for a best friend. You make a mental note to ask her one of these days.

"I honestly didn't mean to hurt you, Eridan," you tell him tiredly. "I'm just a little stressed out, and... look, is there anything I could do to make it up to you?"

"What could _you_ possibly do for _me_?" he sneers, turning up his nose and pressing his clothed wrist to it in an attempt to stop the bleeding. It's honestly not that bad, but knowing how dramatic this guy is, you're pretty sure he's going to claim you broke his whole face or something. "Lowlife fuckin' scum, tryin' a wreck my reputation by breakin' my goddamn face." See?

You roll your eyes. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Where the hell are you even runnin' off to in such a hurry that you gotta be slammin' doors into peoples' noses. Not like you could possibly have anythin' important to do."

You don't even entertain him with an explanation and start off for home in the opposite direction.

"Hey! I'm talkin' to you!" Eridan calls out from behind you. You can hear his footsteps getting louder until there's a hand on your shoulder, forcing you to turn around. "Who do you think you are, walkin' away from me like that when I'm speakin'?"

You're starting to get really fed up with him. "First of all, don't touch me. Second of all, I don't have to answer to you!" You point a finger in his face as you talk, but he just swats it away.

"Were you raised in a fuckin' barn, stickin' your disgustin' hands in my face an' shit. It's already bad enough I gotta go home an' change so I'll be late meetin' up with Fef, but now you wanna disrespect me, too?"

"Seriously Eridan, I'm really not in the mood for this today, okay? I think I just broke up with Sollux, and I just want to go home. I didn't mean to hit you with the door, so can we just drop all this nonsense?"

He folds his arms across his chest and looks you up and down. You've never really noticed how tall Eridan is until now, and it's kind of unnerving to have this douchebag towering over you. He's not even that tall; it's his stupid fucking hair and the way he has it styled that just gives him that edge.

"Great, so now there's two single fuckup miscreants ready to muddy up the sea a' potential instead a' just bein' pathetic together. Such great news to hear after gettin' slammed in the goddamn face with a door."

Just like that, your resolve for putting up with him crumbles and you can't help but slap him across the face so hard that his glasses fall off.

_Wow,_ that felt good.

With a ringed-hand pressed to his stinging cheek, blood beginning to dry on his clothes and chin and his glasses lying on the ground next to the brick wall of the building, he's a sorry sight and you have to use all of your willpower not to laugh in his face.

"What the hell, Ar!"

"You're a fucking asshole, Eridan," you tell him and then continue on your journey home. There are no footsteps following behind you this time and you're pleased to see he's still standing in the same spot looking stunned, even as you turn the corner.

You pull out your phone and send a text to Tavros asking if he'd mind you crashing at his place for a couple of nights. He's quick to message you back, letting you know that you're more than welcome to come over, and that maybe the two of you could even play some World of Warcraft since it'd been a while. You tell him you'd like that, that maybe you could get Terezi and a few others to join in too, and that Team Charge will wreck some serious shit at questing. He responds with a couple of weird smiley faces with horns.

You don't mention it, but you silently hope that Sollux or Eridan won't catch wind of the plans and join in, because right now you just want to have some fun with your friends like old times.


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and you believe that you've been dealt a cruel hand in life.

Then again, you're a bit overdramatic.

Most people who've had the displeasure of meeting you know you as 'that douchebag with the purple streak in his hair,' but you're also the heir apparent to Dualscar Industries, a semi-international manufacturing corporation known for building military-grade ships and vessels, thank you very much.

Because of this, your father has insisted that you take on more responsibilities in the company—namely all of _his—_while he left for a three-month vacation to Scotland and Wales. While you're not too keen on having to wait for a chance to breath in-between answering important phone calls and urgent emails from corporate, it's helped to at least keep your mind off of certain things, so there's that.

One a normal day when your father's not taking time off, you act as a regional representative for the Southwest Coast of the United States, taking frequent trips to meet up with military officials interested in purchasing or renting ships wholesale for their fleets. You couldn't count on ten hands how many times you've visited and left US naval bases with freshly signed contracts, stamped and ready to be filed, and you're barely pushing twenty.

Your father has expressed on many occasions that you'd be the one to take over the company when it's time, but if running this behemoth of a business is anything like it is now with him temporarily out of the picture for just a few months then you're not so sure you'd be up for that. You quite enjoy the leisurely position you already have, simply getting to travel and meet with amazing leaders once in awhile. You'll probably make this issue known to your father as soon as he gets back to town.

Academically you double-major in military history and anthropology at the local university, one which many of your childhood friends and acquaintances attend. However, unlike them, you do not need to worry about mounting college debt because your own education has already been pre-paid in full. Your friends say that you're lucky. You say that you've earned it.

In your free time you enjoy going to local indie shows, hanging out with your best friend Feferi, and spending a couple hours here and there questing on World of Warcaft when your guild doesn't fail to invite you on a game night. They can be real assholes sometimes—especially Vriska.

_Fuck_ Vriska.

Currently, you're sitting at the computer in your home office, attempting to compose an email to your father regarding weekly updates with the business, but it's hard to think when your brother's shitty music is blaring throughout the whole house. Some days it's old rock n' roll from the sixties, other days it's beeps and bloops, and occasionally there might be Top 10 thrown in there when he's feeling rambunctious.

You hate it all.

"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Cro! Would you please do the world a favor an' throw your fuckin' stereo at the window?" you shout at the wall, banging on it for emphasis. He doesn't turn it down. "I can't think with that shit!"

He pops his head through the doorway with a smirk, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips and jet black hair messily combed back. "You need to loosen up, chief. Have some fun and relax!"

"If this is your idea of relaxin' then no wonder Dad never gave you a chance to be part a' his company," you tell him. "What's with the fuckin' dubstep music, anyways?" Aren't you supposed to be a greaser or whatever?"

He ignores the first remark and joins you fully in the room, falling back into the loveseat against the wall behind you. You turn in your desk chair to face him. "No true artist restricts themselves to just one music genre, Eridan. You'd understand if you were as passionate about music as I am."

"You need to get your ears checked."

He chuckles.

Most people your age would be thrilled to have their own two-story waterfront home with no worries when it came to a mortgage even if it meant they had to share it with a wild pack of wolves, but Cronus is much more worse to deal with. Living with your older brother of twenty-two has proven to be less pleasant than you could have ever imagined.

Under no circumstances were you required to give him a place to stay, especially since he was doing just fine with his own apartment and a job ever since he moved out of your father's home at sixteen. But as time passed he grew more and more desperate (or lonely, depending on who you ask) for attention and companionship, eventually landing himself on your doorstep with pleas of, "You're supposed to be my brother, Eridan! Who else can I go to if I can't even come to you?" So it was out of the goodness of your heart (which of course is made of pure gold) that you offered up a room to him earlier this year, but for the most part he sleeps on the couch downstairs; he likes to make things more difficult for himself than they need to be in hopes of getting some sympathy. You've called him out on this numerous times, making sure to remind him that nobody cares.

If you were being completely honest with yourself right now, you'd admit that the actual reason you let him stay with you was because you thought it would earn you some brownie points with Feferi, who loves charity like a fat kid loves cake, and if anyone should know a thing about cake it's you. You used to be sort of a chubby kid. Even today you still can't get rid of that extra ten pounds from your childhood, but that doesn't matter because as far as you know, you're fucking flawless.

Cronus managed to see himself through community college on his own and even has a well-paying job at a local garage where he works on cars like the grease monkey he is. Because of this, you're not stuck with him breathing down your neck 24/7 and are only subjected to listening to him bitch and complain about his non-existent love life _most_ of the time, thank God.

Back in the present, he's opening his mouth as if he's about to spiral into one of his hour-long _woe is me_ rants that you've heard far too many of in the past month, so you shut him up quick with, "Did a package come from corporate this morning? I'm waitin' for some important paperwork."

"How should I know? Pops doesn't want me touching a single hair on his precious little business; _you're_ the golden boy star-child of the family."

"I'm really not in the mood for one a' your little jealous kiddy fits, so do me a favor an' spare me just this once."

He shrugs carelessly and fiddles with the unlit cigarette. You never understood why he has them when you're pretty sure he's never smoked a day in his life. "So, Meenah stopped by this morning—"

"Nope."

"Oh come on, you don't even know where I was going with that!"

You swing yourself back around to the computer and continue typing out the email to your father. "I know enough about where you were goin' with that to know I don't wanna hear it."

"You don't ever give me the time of day and I don't deserve that, alright?" he whines. "See, yeah, maybe I was gonna tell you about how Meenah totally came here on her own accord to actually _talk_ to me for once, which is great because, sheesh, it's about time she finally came around. I'm not going to wait for her forever, you know? But you're just missing out on hearing what Feferi had to say."

Your hands go still on the keyboard. "She came?"

"No, but I bet I could make her."

You don't hesitate to grab the nearest thing and throw it at his head as hard as you can. He's lucky it was a stress ball and not the paperweight.

"Hey, watch it! I was just kidding," he shouts while rubbing his forehead. "Like I don't already _know_ she's off limits. Can't a guy just crack a joke once in awhile?"

"Not when it comes to Fef, you fuckin' creep. Now answer the question!"

He frowns. "No, she didn't—uh, she wasn't here. I guess since Meenah was already on her way over to give me—I mean,_seduce_ me—Feferi told her to tell me to tell _you_ that she can't 'do tomorrow,' whatever that means? Something about her cell phone not working otherwise she'd text you herself or whatever, but I was kind of occupied with Meenah at the time so I don't remember exactly... if you know what I'm saying."

"Only thing _you're_ busy with is your hand down your pants," you sniff and return to your task once more. You don't want Cronus to notice how visibly upset you are at the news that you'll be needing to cancel plans with Feferi. Tomorrow the two of you were supposed to spend the whole day together with nobody to interrupt like old times, back when she wasn't dating that asshole nerd with the lisp; you've barely seen Feferi outside of classes ever since the two of them started dating a couple weeks ago.

You wish you could put a stop to the whole train wreck that's still currently in motion, but there's nothing you can do. You knew she was slipping from your hands the moment she began hanging out with that loser after running into him alone at the campus coffee shop back in April. If you hadn't of been late to meet her there, perhaps none of this would have happened and they'd of stayed nothing more than online guild buddies.

"You alright there, Dannyboy?" Cronus' hand has found itself on your shoulder and he leans in to look at the computer screen with knitted brows. "I think you're a bit tense. It's the girl, isn't it?"

It takes you a second to realize the words **'HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE'** have taken up a couple lines of the email. You promptly highlight and delete it at once, shrugging off your brother's hand because you don't want him touching you.

"What did I tell you about callin' me that," You smell a faint hint of cigarette smoke and cringe. "You smoke?"

He grins and takes a step back. "Well of course I do. What would I carry this around for it I didn't?" He points to the unlit stick of cancer now tucked behind his ear. You roll your eyes and choose not to tell him how skeptical you are about anything that comes out of his mouth. "Hey, I know you're into Meenah's little sis and all, but maybe you should try looking elsewhere. I mean, maybe not elsewhere as in anywhere around _here_ since I'm pretty sure the whole town hates your guts, but maybe elsewhere as in _online?_" He shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs with pursed lips. "I wouldn't know much about it since you know, I've got _Meenah_ all over me now and whatnot, but maybe it'd work for someone like yourself."

You lift a brow and scoff. "Someone like myself? What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Well, definitely not as successful as I am when it comes to picking up chicks, that's for sure."

You laugh—no, _cackle_—because you're not sure if he even hears the words that come out of his mouth, constantly contradicting himself, and wave his presence away with the flick of your wrist. "Would you please get the hell outta here before I'm subjected to stoopin' down to your level of disparity and stupidity? I have _actual_ work to do and Dad's countin' on me to do it right."

It's written all over his face that he takes that last line as a personal jab in the ribs. Good, because that's what you wanted. Without another word, he turns and stomps out of the room like a child who's just been told to go stand in the corner, and you can't help the small victorious smile that creeps over your lips.

Finally alone again, you minimize the email and bring up a webpage prompting you to load up certain fields with personal information. You're still new to the world of online dating so you're missing a few things on your profile, like your education and a better detailed 'About Me' that doesn't just say, _"lookin for someone wworth my time or wwhatevver."_

Cronus can _never_ know.

To be fair to the pathetic losers who actually use these stupid sites to find people, you've heard over and over countless times the stunningly-high amount of fulfilling relationships that online dating has forged, as well as some other bullshit about how these relationships are more likely to succeed or something, but you really don't give a shit. You just want something to keep you busy while Captor sucks up all Feferi's time.

Because the last thing you'd want is for someone you actually know to recognize you, you've set your location to the nearest major city and have taken the liberty of completely omitting any information that could be linked directly to one Eridan Ampora, including photos. Instead of a 180x180 headshot sits an image of the ocean from your back porch. You think this is more than sufficient, and anyone who might inquire about your looks can go fuck themselves.

You've got no new messages from any interested users which you're pretty sure has to be a glitch. It's been almost a whole week on this site and you're positive there's not a single girl within a twenty-mile radius who wouldn't swoon over the fact that you're two inches shy from six feet tall, make well over a hundred-thousands dollars a year, and that you're interested in history.

You remind yourself that they're most likely uncultured swine, so they probably don't know any better.

Having finished your routine check-in, you're about to switch back over to the email when something catches your attention. On the sidebar where 'Possible Users You May Find Interesting' are listed, there's a photoless profile with the username apocolypseArisen in small bolded text, and beneath that are your shared interests; history, travelling, learning new things, rainy days, MMORPGs, etc. and she's apparently within your area.

Curiosity piqued, you check out her profile which states she's eighteen and attends a local college in your town. She's studying archaeology which you can't help but find sort of cool, enjoys paranormal stories and sci-fi movies, and apparently has a soft spot for grunge rock and some metal. You make a face at her taste in music, but you figure you could deal with it. Everyone has their flaws.

Besides her zodiac sign (Aries) and her ideal boyfriend (someone whos not a self serving douchebag) there's no information about her salary or any other vital statistics other than that she's currently online, which kind of sucks because it'd be nice to know where she stands on the social ladder; these things are important, after all. But despite this and the fact that you have no idea what she looks like, you're fairly certain that she's the most competent person you're going to find on this damn site so you cut her some slack.

You're a bit hesitant at first, but you click on the messenger tab and send her a quick hello.

**CA: hey**

**CA: thought id say wwhats up since wwe like some a the same stuff**

**CA: you there cause your little chat icon thing says youre online but youre not answwerin**

You wait a few minutes but there's no reply.

Whatever.

**CA: if youre just ignorin me thats kinda rude alright**

**CA: i can tell youre online**

**CA: okay wwell message me back maybe wwhenevver you get this i guess**

You minimize the window and go back to the email, feeling a little irritated that she didn't answer you, but that's alright. If she doesn't want to talk to you then it's her loss, not yours. You were doing _her_ a favor by giving her the time of day, after all.

It's not until around midnight when you're getting ready to crawl into bed a notification sound would go off on your phone, signaling that you had unread messages from something. You'd reach for it and tap on the blinking app icon, bringing the mobile chat messenger for that dating site into view, the brightness of the screen momentarily blinding you.

After blinking a few times to adjust to the light, you'd realize that apocolypseArisen had just messaged you back.

**AA: hey im sorry for getting back to you so late**

**AA: i was out on this dig all night and i just got back to my room**

**AA: i dont usually log out of my account so that was my fault for being misleading**

**AA: i hope you didnt actually think i was ignoring you!**

**AA: oh woops its probably really late over there im sorry**

**AA: ive been in france for the past 3 months so i forget about the time differences a lot**

**AA: youre probably sleeping so i wont bother you anymore**

**AA: hopefully i can catch you at a decent hour next time**

**AA: it was nice sort of meeting you**

**AA: ill be up for a little while if you want to talk but otherwise goodnight!**

Too tired to even consider responding, you'd toss your phone to the side with a sigh and flip over, leaving the conversation to be picked up later at some other time.


	3. Chapter 3

Seriously, I recommend reading this chapter on AO3 (my username is draftpirate there) since it'll be so much easier to read because of the chat logs being color coded and stuff. Otherwise, have fun torturing yourself lol.

* * *

"I told you already; go with the fuschia one," you sigh from your place at the foot of Feferi's bed, watching her hold a plain black scoop-neck dress shirt to her chest thoughtfully. "It'll help you stand out against the competitions. Besides, you look a lot better in colors."

You're barely able to catch the shirt before it hits the ground when she hums and tosses it over her shoulder. You'd scold her about it if you weren't so sure that she wasn't even listening, plus she'd already rolled her eyes at you enough for the rest of the year in the past half-hour.

Despite the fact that today was supposed to be very much cancelled, Feferi had shown up on your doorstep an hour ago in an emergency visit to ask you to come over and help her pick something out to wear to her mother's congressional re-election campaign party. You sort of think you should be worried that Feferi views you as someone to go to for fashion advice rather than as a potential boyfriend.

"They're not competition; they're just other people in government who I'd like to make a good impression on is all!" she reminds you while examining the top of your choice. "I know this means a lot to my mom and, well, I want her to be proud of me. Especially if I might follow in her footsteps!"

If you're gonna be followin' in your mom's footsteps then you gotta start lookin' at these people as possible threats instead a' _friends,_ Fef. You've gotta make it clear that you won't stand for havin' others bein' in your way—let 'em know you're plannin' on takin' it all the way to the top!"

"Why would they be threats? Some of them have really great ideas and have even said that they'd vote for me when I run for city council!"

"An' if they end up beatin' you an' takin' your rightful place as a leader...?"

Feferi laughs and plops down next to you on the bed, the shirt balled up gingerly in her hands. She smells like vanilla. "Well, then maybe they deserve it!"

"See, _this_ is what I'm talkin' about," You sigh and shake your head in disapproval. "I really think you'd be a great leader, but you're just too nice. Government's done thrive on niceness, Fef. Citizens need a firm an' strict leader to guide them an' tell 'em what's best! How do you expect to become the first female president if you're not even willin' to fight tooth an' nail for a measly chair on the council?"

"President? Eridan, I don't really think I'd be cut out for such a big job! Where did you even get the idea—"

"See, if we were partners in this—kinda like the Clinton's, you know?—we'd take the White House without a problem," You passionately slam your fist against your leg. It's something you've daydreamed about on many occasions, and you're too far gone in your own head to notice that Feferi is regarding you as if you'd completely lost it. "The two of us would make a great team; me handlin' all the strict business up front since I know all about that, an' you... well, doin' what you do best an' takin' care a' everyone, get the people on our side. It'd be _great—_"

"Eridan?"

"Can you imagine the two of us in the White House? We could do so much... startin' with gettin' rid a' all these ridiculous government programs an' whatever else the lower class just _expects_ to have handed to 'em; like Medicaid! It's nuts how entitled—"

"Eridan!"

You snap out of your thoughts when you feel fingers comb through your hair and reflexively lean back out of reach before too much damage is done. Feferi is giving you one of her pity smiles. You hate it when they're reserved for you.

"I think you get a little caught up in all those big ideas of yours sometimes, but like I was trying to say; I don't think I'd want to be president! That'd just be way too stressful, and I probably wouldn't have any time to actually _do_ anything good!" she says. "And those programs are really important to a lot of people... to be honest, I don't think cutting them would be useful at all!"

You huff and shrug, not in the mood to argue with her anymore. You often wonder when she gets her leadership skills from because it's _certainly_ not her mother; that woman could probably have whole cities burned to the ground with the flick of a wrist, and you wouldn't be surprised if she already has.

"Then what kinda job are you thinkin'?"

She taps her chin in thought. "Hmm, perhaps mayor? It's a big role, but it's still local and would give me the chance to help better the city!" She stands up and heads back over to sift through her closet once more, leaving the shirt behind on the bed.

You groan. "That's too _small!_"

"No it's not, silly!" she laughs and watches herself in the full-length mirror while holding a tan skirt to her hips. "I've thought about maybe working towards the senate someday, but I think I'd be much more content sticking to a single town rather than a whole state. What do you think, though—is that still 'too small'?"

It's not president, but whatever," You feel your phone vibrate against your thigh and retrieve it out of your pocket, swiping the screen to read the text you'd just gotten from Karkat.

MAKE SURE YOU'RE FREE THIS WEEKEND. SATURDAY IS GUILD NIGHT.

"Kar's arrangin' for a guild night this Saturday. Not sure if he sent you a text, too," you relay. "Hey, what are you doin'? I thought we already decided on your outfit for the party."

She blushes. "Well, I've got to find something to wear _tonight_... Sollux is taking me somewhere classy for dinner, and I want to look nice!"

You think that Sollux's idea of 'clarry' would probably be outside on the patio of Burger King and scoff. "Why are you even wastin' your time with that loser when we could go see a movie like we were plannin' on doin' since _a week ago?_"

"Well, it's just that the both of us have been super busy—with school and work, you know—and he told me that he'd be free tonight and wanted to take me on a date!" she explains with shy enthusiasm. "You know I love our movie nights, Eridan, but I'm dating Sollux and I need to prioritize the little time I get with him lately. I'm sure you understand," The doorbell rings as if on cue, and her seemingly-permanent smile only grows wider. "Oh, that might be him now!"

"He's here? But—" The sudden realization that she'd blown your pre-established plans in favor of swapping spit with Sollux hits you like a bag a bricks to the gut. "Wait, you're tellin' me you canceled _our_ plans because _he_ asked you out on a date?"

She doesn't answer you, having already left her bedroom to get the door. You attempt to keep on her heels but it's no use since she'd gotten a head, plus you've got to be careful not to knock over one of her mother's many priceless statues or decorative vases littering the halls. Ms. Peixes already doesn't care much when it comes to you for some unknown reason; Feferi's told you before that it's not you specifically that she doesn't like, but just the Ampora name in general. You think there must be some sort of misunderstanding because who could possibly hate the Amporas? Clearly her mother is out to get you and you alone for no justifiable reason, so you're not about to _give_ her one by breaking her things.

Right as you're rounding the corner into the main entrance hall, Feferi swings open the front door to reveal the current thorn in your side with a grin on his face and a small bouquet of roses in hand. He clearly had no idea that Feferi's favorite flowers are lotuses.

"Oh, these are my favorite!" she exclaims, accepting the flowers and leaning up on the tips of her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. "How did you know?"

"Just a lucky guess."

Your scoff echoes around the large room, gaining you the attention of the happy couple. Sollux's smile instantly wanes and turns into more of a frustrated frown. "What's he doing here, FF?"

"Like _you_ have any right to be askin' about why I'm here; Fef's my best friend, so if anyone's gotta be answerin' questions around here it's _you,_" you sneer.

Feferi sighs and places the roses on a small table near the door. "He just came over to help me with something. He was actually just leaving," She gives you an expectant look, willing you to pick up on the hint that she did, in fact, want you to leave so she and Sollux could be alone. "Right, Eridan?"

You narrow your eyes at the gangly computer nerd standing in the doorway. "Yeah, sure. I guess that's what I'm doin'," you mumble, and as you go to leave you make sure to slam your shoulder into his when you pass him, earning a surprised grunt. You turn to meet his glare, hoping to effectively communicate without words that you hate his existence, and by the look you get in return you're pretty sure that it worked.

You break the staring competition to look over at Feferi, softening your gaze and forcing a half-smile. "I'll see you later."

She gives you a small appreciative nod and a wave before shutting the door in your face.

The walk home isn't exactly as head clearing as you'd like it to be. For starters, the traffic is loud and it's giving you a headache, and the fact that it'd just finished raining too long ago so now it's ridiculously muggy doesn't help either, only making your clothes stick uncomfortably to your skin.

Your phone vibrates and you fish it out of your pocket when you come to a crosswalk, expecting to find another text from Karkat since he has a tendency to keep messaging people until they acknowledge him.

**AA: hi! **  
**AA: i never got a response from you  
AA: i was just wondering if you still wanted to talk**

You bite your lip in thought as you step around a puddle, avoiding mucking up your shoes. You'd completely forgotten about the messages she'd sent you last night when you were half asleep, and to be honest you're a little surprised to hear from her again so soon without even having to somehow get her attention.

Figuring it'd at least keep you busy on the walk home, you type out a response in hopes of starting up some sort of conversation to stay occupied for the time being.

**CA: hey yeah  
CA: sorry i wwas sleepin  
CA: but im kinda lookin to talk a bit noww actually  
CA: keep my mind off a certain things i guess**

It doesn't take long for her to message you back.

**AA: oh like what  
AA: is everything okay?  
CA: not tryin a be rude or anythin  
CA: but id rather not talk about it i mean i dont evven knoww you  
AA: its alright i understand  
AA: we all have our own problems that we need to deal with  
CA: yeah i suppose so but wwhatevver lets talk about somethin else  
CA: like wwhat are you evven doin on this site i think thats a good place to start  
AA: id imagine doing the same thing youre doing there  
AA: just searching to see whats out there  
CA: online though thats kinda desperate dont you think  
CA: not sayin im desperate or somethin like that cause im definitely not  
CA: i could care less about that silly wwebsite  
AA: then why are you on it if you dont care 0_0  
CA: look dont givve me that sass alright  
CA: im just bored and aint nobody else around here wworth my time so i figured id look elsewwhere  
CA: thats kinda off point though since i asked you first so wwhy are YOU avvoidin the question  
AA: i didnt avoid the question though  
AA: i told you im just searching to see whats out there!  
CA: wwell wwhy not do that in the real wworld instead a online like some loser  
CA: at least then you knoww wwho youre dealin wwith an not some crazy psycho killer or somethin  
AA: i would but remember im kinda in france  
AA: and ive met lots of great people here so dont get me wrong but i dont want to date them if ill be leaving soon  
AA: so i thought itd be nice to find someone back home that i could maybe meet when i return  
AA: and hey that doesnt make me a loser!  
AA: some of the best relationships are started online  
AA: i actually even met my ex boyfriend online and we were together for 4 years  
CA: see ex is the keywword there so look howw much good online datin did for you  
AA: you know youre not very nice mr caligulasaquarium  
AA: if youre going to be such a downer then id rather not talk to you to be quite honest**

You roll your eyes and seriously consider discarding the conversation entirely because if she's trying to scare you with a threat, it's not going to work. She clearly has no idea who you are, so with that decision made you pocket your phone and continue home with a smug smile. She'll soon realize the mistake she'd made after she notices that you're not responding. Hell, she'll probably even beg for you to keep talking to her. You just have to wait a little bit.

Unfortunately, you come to realize that this is not the case after almost a full ten minutes have passed and you're standing on a corner waiting for the light to turn red so you could get to the other side, with a loud group of cantankerous late twenty-something guys howling up a storm outside the 7-11 behind you. You're a bit nervous; maybe it's because the sun is starting to set and they seem like the kind of people to knock you down and take your wallet, or it's just the idea that's you they're laughing at for some reason, but either way you end up caving and whipping your phone back out. You need something to focus your attention on because you're pretty sure that if you look over your shoulder and accidentally make eye contact with those goons one more time that they're going to call you out, and you're not in the mood for a confrontation today.

**CA: alright alright look im sorry about bein a little snappy im actually a pretty nice guy  
CA: an if wwere bein honest im the best guy youll find around here so theres that  
AA: im starting to get the idea that youre just a little bit too into yourself  
CA: wwhat wwhere wwould you get an idea like that im all ABOUT others  
CA: like youre into archaeology or somethin right cause i saww that on your profile  
CA: an you said you wwere in france cause a dig or wwhatevver  
CA: howw could i remember all a that if im full a myself  
AA: is everything ok because youre rambling a little  
CA: no wway im just provvin a point i aint got nothin to be nervvous about an i aint scared a anythin  
CA: but really so the wwhole diggin thing is kinda cool i like that  
AA: thanks!  
AA: yeah it's pretty great especially if youre into history which i am  
CA: me too im actually in school right noww studyin military history an anthropology its the best  
CA: i mean ALL history is the best but i just really have a thing for strong leaders an wwars and stuff  
CA: but wwhat about you cause your profile didnt say anythin about education  
AA: im studying archaeology actually!  
AA: hey youre not too far from where i live so we might even know each other or at least have met  
AA: who knows we might even have some classes together  
CA: huh i dont think so  
AA: can i ask what your name is at least because you never know  
CA: i just dont think i should be givven out my name an stuff online to people i dont knoww  
CA: i mean isnt that wwhat usernames are for after all  
CA: to keep you from gettin strangled in your sleep by some girl wwho claims shes in france  
CA: but in reality might just really be next door wwaitin for her next vvictim  
AA: is that really what youre afraid of because you said earlier you werent afraid of anything  
CA: i aint afraid ok id just like to keep my information privvate thank you vvery much  
CA: im kinda a big deal around here an i dont wwant my name bein tainted  
AA: are you a movie star or something  
CA: might as wwell be but no im not  
AA: well you should at least put up a picture of you on your profile so people know who theyre talking to  
CA: no wway i dont wwant people to notice me did you not understand that cause i thought i made that clear  
AA: can i at least have a picture of you so i know what you look like then  
CA: nope  
AA: oh come on!  
AA: ill even give you one of me back in return  
CA: i dont care wwhat you look like it aint like im takin this seriously or anythin so wwhat does it matter  
AA: well im taking this seriously!  
CA: howw on earth can you take somethin like online datin seriously  
CA: you really think youre gonna find wwhat youre lookin for  
AA: maybe  
AA: its happened once before so maybe itll happen again  
AA: dont be so quick to knock it you might find what youre looking for too if you just try  
AA: what are you even looking for because you dont seem very invested in finding someone  
CA: thats cause im not  
CA: im just lookin for someone to talk to evvery noww an then thats all  
AA: oh so like a friend  
CA: yeah i guess if thats wwhat you wwanna call it  
CA: maybe somethin else i dunno really didnt think much about it  
AA: well hey maybe we can be friends  
CA: yeah maybe i mean i dont havve a lot of options i dunno if youvve seen the selection on that site its terrible  
CA: youre like probably the best im gonna find so looks like there aint nothin else to say on the matter a friends  
AA: thanks  
AA: i think 0_0  
CA: evven though your taste in music is pretty questionable i mean really grunge and metal  
CA: but as long as wwe dont talk about it evver i guess i can deal  
AA: hey whats wrong with my taste in music  
CA: are you kiddin me  
CA: is there any chance you wwear hearin aids cause that music is utter shit  
AA: oh god youre one of those hipster types arent you  
AA: with your pretentious music snob indie blogs or whatever  
AA: wearing skinny jeans and living at starbucks**

You're not entirely sure if she's purposely trying to offend you, but it makes you crack a grin nonetheless. You turn onto your street and begin making your way towards your house.

**CA: maybe maybe not but my music is still a hundred times better than that noise you listen to  
CA: if im feelin charitable i might just send you a feww links to some decent stuff  
CA: gotta get you cultured if wwere gonna be friends or wwhatever you wwanna call it  
AA: ha!  
AA: only if you agree to give some of the stuff i send you a try  
AA: friendship is a two way street after all  
CA: perhaps ill humor you wwell see  
CA: so on your profile SHIT  
AA: 0_0  
AA: are you okay  
CA: goddammit some asshole just drovve through a puddle and splashed me an noww im fuckin soaked  
AA: would it be mean of me to tell you that im actually laughing  
CA: yeah id say thatd be pretty dowwnright fuckin rude actually  
CA: fuck noww i gotta treat my hair an shit cause a that disgustin dirty wwater  
AA: what?  
CA: might as wwell burn my clothes too wwhile im at it cause the germs  
AA: treat your hair  
AA: burn your clothes  
AA: are you joking right now because i cant tell  
CA: no im not jokin wwhy wwould i be jokin this is serious  
AA: wow if this is how you are with some rain water then you would be horrible on a dig  
CA: wwell thats kinda the reason i aint a fan of diggin around in dirt like SOMEONE else i knoww  
AA: i thought you said archaeology was cool!  
CA: yeah but that dont mean i wwanna bury myself up to my fuckin neck in filth to find some rocks are you nuts  
CA: do you havve any idea howw hard it is gettin dirt outta your hair its fuckin brutal alright  
AA: oh my god you remind me of this one guy i know from back home so much right now  
CA: wwell if hes anythin like me then hes probably a really cool guy  
AA: actually hes a complete spaz  
CA: are you sayin im a spaz  
AA: just a little bit  
AA: but i mean if youre willing to put up with my shit music then i guess im willing to put up with your spazziness  
AA: and your starbucks dwelling and skinny jeans wearing and music snobbishness and generally everything about you  
AA: someone has to show you mercy and if not me then who  
CA: hey i nevver said any a that wwas true about me  
AA: you never denied it :D**

You huff and trudge up the drive way, ringing out the bottom of your shirt.

**CA: look i gotta go change an get out a these filthy clothes  
CA: but maybe wwe can talk a little bit more sometime soon like later or wwhatever  
AA: hmm i suppose that sounds like a good idea  
AA: id probably say no but since there arent many inquiring persons other than yourself i dont have much of a choice  
CA: wwell arent you just swweet  
AA: the sweetest!  
AA: ill talk to you later then  
AA: oh and by the way fill out your profile  
CA: alright i wwill a little later but i aint puttin much i dont wwant people to notice me  
AA: oh shut up about that already nobody cares  
AA: bye!**

Muddy rainwater trails behind you through the front door and along the tile floor as you peek inside the living room. Cronus isn't in his signature spot on the couch and the place is oddly quiet, so you assume he's probably out trying his hand at picking up chicks and failing. Or at work. Whatever.

You don't send AA a goodbye message, but that doesn't mean you're done with her because later that night after you'd taken care of responding to corporate emails and finished up filing paperwork, you'd log into your account to fill out a little bit more of your profile and send her a few examples of good music instead of that bullshit she listens to. She wouldn't get back to you with her thoughts **(AA: wow you really are a hipster haha)** on them until the next morning, when she'd leave you her own selection of music for you to sample. Much to your dismay you end up taking a very slight liking to some of it, but you make sure to tell her that you actually threw up in your mouth a little the second you pressed the play button. She'd call you a liar and you'd stand your ground denying this.

Things would progress like this over the next few days, witty banter back and forth and poking fun at each other only whenever you have a bit of spare time to waste, until answering her messages somehow become a priority that has you pushing work and business calls aside. Sharing the events of the day would become a sort of standard between the both of you, and she'd continue to pester you for a photo or at least to know your name but you'd shoot her requests down immediately. Just because you'd become online friends of sorts didn't mean you'd give out any personal information, though you'd consider it on a few occasions, mainly when she would try and persuade you with a picture of yourself. Needless to say that some nights while falling asleep, you'd find yourself wondering what she looks like.

In the midst of it all, Feferi and her boyfriend would begin to slowly find a new place at the back of your mind, and Saturday would come a lot sooner than you'd be prepared for.

* * *

"Can everyone hear me?" you ask, adjusting the volume levels on your headset. You're standing around an open forest area, waiting for the rest of your guild to show up so that you could organize a raid party.

Karkat's character is pacing irate circles around your own. You say 'irate' because you can hear him complaining under his breath about how he's planning to rip Tavros a new asshole if he shows up late like last time. You try to remind him of Tavros' disability and the fact that he might require a little extra time, to which Karkat responds with: "You don't need the use of your legs to log into a fucking video game and click a goddamn button."

Thankfully before you're forced to endure Karkat's (mostly) empty threats, Tavros and the rest of your guildmates show up; Latula and her boyfriend Mituna, Nepeta, and Karkat's co-leader, Feferi.

"Fuckin' _finally,_ Fef! Was startin' to think you weren't gonna show up. You're usually the first one here," you say, relieved. The game wouldn't be much fun if it weren't for Feferi, after all. You hear her giggle through the headset and you can feel your cheeks instantly flush, not even paying attention to the unknown noob-looking character following behind her.

"Great, we're all here. We all know the objective, so does anyone have any questions? I'm asking because I know most of you idiots have shit for brains and if I hear _'Hey Karkat, what are we doing'_ just once, I will—"

"Ey, I'm not late, am I? Heard about this little online shindig and thought I'd make it better by showing up. No need to thank me or anything."

You pinch the bridge of your nose and squeeze your eyes shut. "Cro, what the _hell_about."

"Fuck, not this douchebag," Karkat huffs. He's never been much of a fan of Cronus. "How did you even _get_ into my guild? I didn't give your ass the okay to join—Sollux, did you hack my shit or something?"

"I'm not even sure I know who you're talking about, KK."

"I did!" Feferi admits gleefully. "He sent me a message on Facebook asking me to let him join, so I gave him an invite! Oh, and he's a new player so we should all keep that in mind and show him the ropes!"

"Alright, as co-leader I think I deserve to know when you decide to admit pathetic shitbag rejects into the guild, first of all. Second, you _know_ we only accept members who are at least level 60 and _aren't_ desperate losers."

"Come on, chief—I don't mean any harm! Just thought I'd hang out with some good friends is all. Hey, you know I really admire your leadership skills, right?"

"I'm not your friend, shitstain. Nobody here is!"

"Who are we talking about again? ED?"

**G4M38R0413: H4LP WH47 SID3 M 1 0N3 **  
**G4M38R0413: H3LL0? **  
**G4M38R0413: WHY 15N 4NYN3 74LKNG 70 M3  
G4M38R0413: 1 H34R YU0U! C4N Y0U H3R3 M33?**

"Can one of you ass clowns who can actually understand his goddamn gibberish help him out before I choke myself? I'm a leader, not a fucking translator."

"Put your headphones on and use the mic, babe!" Latula offers. "They're in the first drawer to your right, next to the CSS catalogue!"

Mituna's name lights up on the screen, signaling that he'd joined the voice chat. After a bit of static and crackling he shouts, "Hello?!"

"Hi, babe!"

"Tulip! Oh, hey guys! I'm here now!"

You cringe and dial down the volume. "Wow, is that even necessary? Like, couldn't you a' spared me the earache by just talkin' to each off mic or somethin'?"

Latula laughs. "I'm at work!"

"I'm not trying to be rude, so I hope that you don't take it, um, that way, but won't you get in trouble if you get caught? Playing games when, you know, you're supposed to be working, I mean."

"Don't be such a party pooper, Tavros!" Vriska says.

"Alright alright, enough of this frivolous bullshit," Karkat butts in. "I'm splitting us all into two teams since I can't be assed with handling all of you fuckers _and_ a retard. Feferi will lead the blue team, and I'll take the red team."

"I'm sorry."

"What? No, I didn't—Mituna, not you, dumbass! I was talking about Eridan's asshole brother who can't take a hint that_NOBODY WANTS HIM HERE._"

"Fine, I'll leave. I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll just go and express my feelings through music, like the artist I am."

"Fuckin' thank _God._ Havin' to see your face everyday is already enough, I don't wanna see you online, too," you breathe, making sure nobody can actually hear you.

"Don't listen to him, Cronus! It's always nice to have another warrior in the guild," Feferi overrules. "Here—you can be on my team if you'd like!"

"Really? Alright, yeah. I'd like that. Thanks, kitten."

You throw your head back and let out a frustrated groan. "Seriously, Fef? He doesn't even know what the hell a warrior _is,_let alone what he's even doin'. He's just playin' to antagonize me and hit on everyone!"

She just shushes you and proceeds to divide your guild into two groups along with Karkat, and separate chat channels are set up as well so that it isn't just a bunch of people from both teams shouting orders and confusing each other.

Cronus decides to bring his laptop into your room and makes camp on your bed, occasionally asking what he's supposed to do. You want to tell him that he can go fuck himself for starters but Feferi might hear you, so you flip him the middle finger instead. He follows behind her character for the duration of the evening since she's the only one who's willing to help him out.

"You should have used your paladin tonight, Eridan!" Feferi says. "You want to log off and switch characters real quick? It'll really help with the battle!"

"I dunno, Fef. This guy's supposed to be pretty tough an' this is my highest level character. Magic's always done good for me, so I think I'm fine. Never had much of a problem fightin' with this one."

"Seems like you've got a lot of faith in magic there, ED. You ever try any of those spells in real life to make friends for yourself?"

"Shut up, Sol. Everyone knows magic ain't real."

"Says the wizard," he snickers.

"I ain't a wizard, I'm a mage!" you remind him pointedly. "Says so right in the class description, you non-readin' fool. There's a distinct difference between the two a' them."

"What, like one still needs to come to terms with the fact they're stupid as fuck?" You attempt to ignore him to the the best of your abilities, focusing your attention on your current trade with Tavros. "The one in denial is you, if you were wondering."

Karkat decides to jump from his group chat to yours with a, "Holy fuck, can we please get on with this goddamn raid? I know you all like to stand around with your thumbs up your asses, but I actually have shit to do in the morning and I swear to whatever pathetic fucking deity any of you pray to that if I end up oversleepingI will _shit on all of your lawns._"

Your group picks up the pace, Cronus falling behind due to his waxing interest in the game while you and Sollux continue to argue and spit insults back and forth. At one point the only two that could be heard out of the whole chat are the both of you, and it takes Mituna's incessant shouting of _'PLEASE STOP FIGHTING, I'M SORRY'_ over and over along with a warning from Feferi to get you to shut up. The silence only lasts for a few minutes though, because when Feferi leaves to take a bathroom break you're right back at each others' virtual throats again—more so his rather than yours.

"Just 'cause you're datin' Fef don't mean that I have to like you," you inform him. "An' just so we're clear, _I don't._"

"Seriously, you're gonna try and start something again?"

The fact that he doesn't give much of a response other than that irks you. What makes him think you're trying to start something? You're not. "I don't know what you're talkin' about, Sol. I'm just finishin' what we started."

He sighs. "There's nothing to talk about, ED. We all know you're just jealous of me for 'stealing' FF from you, whatever_that's_ supposed to mean. Just drop it and move on."

"So you can't even commit to a little conversation, but you wanna date Fef? Hah!" You give an unimpressed snort. "You're not worth her time."

"You know, FF was right about you."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means you really _are_ childish. No wonder FF never wanted to date you; she'd probably strangle herself if she had to deal with your bullshit more than she already has to."

You grind your teeth, not sure whether to be angry because this loser just called you childish, to feel betrayed because Feferi apparently talked to him about you, or to feel hurt because, well... Feferi not wanting to date is sort of a sore topic, so you resort to using the only piece of information you've got on him that you think might hit home.

"Yeah, well she'll probably leave you like whatshername did once she gets a good righteous taste a' how pathetic you are," you tell him. His end goes oddly and uncharacteristically quiet, and you can't help but feel a sense of pride for being the reason, so you drag him through the dirt just a little bit more. "What was her name again—Aradia, right? What's she been up to, huh?"

"That's none of your business, and you have no idea what happened between AA and me so shut the fuck up!"

"Uh, guys? Is there any chance that, um, the two of you can stop fighting? It's just, I don't like it when people argue, especially when we're supposed to be on the same team. Plus, uh, Feferi said to quit, remember?"

"I dunno what you're gettin' all defensive for since you got Fef, now. I mean, unless you've got some unfinished business with Ar or whatever—"

_"You keep her name out of your fucking mouth, ED!"_

"Now that I'm thinkin' about it, does she still even play?" you wonder out loud. "I'm pretty sure I haven't seen her online in months. Probably avoidin' you or somethin'."

You can practically hear Sollux fuming over your headset and you crack a grin. "Shut up, if anything it's _you_ she's avoiding! You're the one who nobody can stand being around!"

"At least people can understand me when I'm talkin'."

"If the two of you don't stop right now, I'm banning both of you from the guild for a whole month!" Feferi cuts in out of nowhere. Her game avatar has actually managed to wedge its way between yours and Sollux's like some sort of mediator. "Sheesh, can't we all just have a fun time questing for once? What is it with the two of you always fighting!"

You scoff. "He started it."

"No I didn't!"

Your phone grabs your attention when you hear it vibrating on the wooden desk, and you tap the dating site messenger app to find a few unread messages.

**AA: goodnight  
AA: oh and message me as soon as you wake up tomorrow  
AA: i want to talk to you a little before you go to class!**

You smile.

"And for the record, Aradia still plays but she's avoiding _both_ of you," Feferi answers your original question that you'd already forgot asking. "Which sucks since she's the best hunter in our guild but she won't play when either of you guys are online, which is most of the time!"

**CA: pfft wwhy wwould i evven wwaste my time talkin to you  
CA: heh you knoww im just jokin  
CA: ill be sure to bother you the moment i open my eyes an not a second later  
CA: but hey if you cant sleep im here  
CA: gonna be up for a wwhile  
CA: uh  
CA: wworkin  
CA: got a lot a wwork to do  
CA: but yeah goodnight**

"Her loss," you tell Feferi as you wait to see if AA has anything else to say, hoping that she'll actually stay up a little longer to talk with you while you bullshit around with your guild. Over the past few days you and her have had some really great conversations and you find yourself looking forward to the next one constantly.

**AA: (heart)**

Your stomach does a flip at that for some reason.

It's not what you were expecting, but you'll take it.

**CA: wwoww lame**

She sends you back a photo of her middle finger and you can't help but laugh.


	4. Chapter 4

Some choice conversations between Eridan and Aradia from June 25th - September 7th

**NOTE:** Seriously, read this on AO3 (draftpirate). It'll make your life so much easier.

* * *

**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on June 25th, 2011**  
**CA: are you awwake**  
**CA: i need help its an emergency**  
**AA: you caught me right before i was about to head out for a dig!**  
**AA: is everything alright**  
**CA: no nothins alright evverythin is horrible**  
**AA: whats wrong**  
**CA: i got this meetin in a half hour an i cant figure out wwhich tie to wwear**  
**CA: im torn betwween this navvy blue one an a grey one**  
**CA: IMAGESENT01**  
**CA: IMAGESENT02**  
**CA: wwhich one do you think i should go wwith**  
**AA: i cannot believe you right now**  
**AA: this is what you would constitute as an emergency**  
**AA: not knowing how to accessorize**  
**CA: please i am the fuckin KING at accessorizin you dont evven KNOWW**  
**CA: but this is serious right noww alright**  
**CA: wwhich one should i wwear**  
**AA: well that depends on the rest of your outfit!**  
**CA: oh yeah of course**  
**CA: hold on let me lay my clothes out on my bed an take a picture**  
**CA: alright here**  
**CA: IMAGESENT03**  
**AA: hmm not too shabby**  
**AA: i like it!**  
**CA: of course you do i havve great fashion sense**  
**AA: says the skinny jean wearing music snob hipster**  
**AA: but id say go with the blue one**  
**AA: it will look great against that pale yellow button down!**  
**CA: yeah i guess youre right**  
**CA: an for the record i dont wwear skinny jeans alright theyre FITTED**  
**CA: sue me for wwantin to look respectable and not like some dirtscrapin git wwho dont knoww wwhat size clothes they wwear**  
**CA: also ivve got wway too much class to be wwearin jeans anywway**  
**AA: youre being serious arent you**  
**AA: youve got to have at least one pair!**  
**CA: sure i havve a couple but i try to avvoid wwearin commoners clothes**  
**AA: commoners**  
**AA: what is this 1462**  
**AA: i wouldnt doubt the idea of you having your own wax seal for your mail**  
**CA: no i dont actually but ivve been thinkin about lookin into gettin one wwith my initials**  
**AA: oh god please dont**  
**CA: wwhy not**  
**AA: youre already teetering on the edge of being a supreme douche you dont need to push the envelope further and**  
**AA: seal the deal**  
**CA: wwoww you really just wwent there huh**  
**CA: pretty clevver ill givve you that**  
**AA: 0u0**  
**CA: that face looks stupid**  
**AA: your face looks stupid!**  
**AA: well at least im pretty confident it looks stupid**  
**AA: but since you wont put up a picture and let me see it ill never know**  
**CA: wwell that sucks for you i guess**  
**AA: yeah it definitely does because you see**  
**AA: ill never know if the person im talking to is actually anything he claims to be**  
**CA: hmm seems like a personal problem**  
**AA: come on at least just send me one if you dont want to put it on your profile!**  
**CA: wwevve been ovver this like a thousand times alright it aint gonna happen**  
**CA: youre lucky i evven filled out half a my profile so stop bein ungrateful**  
**AA: even if i send you like like 5 pictures of me in return**  
**AA: youre not even the slightest interested in knowing what i look like**  
**CA: wwell i mean yeah im kinda curious i guess but i aint gonna jeopardize my name**  
**AA: fine fine**  
**AA: well**  
**AA: if you wont let me see a picture of you**  
**AA: will you at least tell me what you look like so i can get an idea**  
**CA: uh**  
**CA: i dunno**  
**AA: please id really appreciate it**  
**CA: alright i guess**  
**CA: like wwhat do you wwanna knoww**  
**CA: you kinda got me on the spot here**  
**AA: i dont know just give me a general description of yourself!**  
**CA: alright i got browwn hair an blue eyes**  
**CA: um im pretty fit **  
**CA: i dunno**  
**AA: are you tall**  
**CA: im like a couple inches under 6ft so yeah sure i guess**  
**AA: have any tattoos**  
**CA: no i dont got no goddamn tattoos are you fuckin nuts**  
**AA: 0_0**  
**AA: are you afraid of needles or something**  
**CA: i aint afraid a no stupid fuckin needles i thought i told you i wwasnt afraid a nothin already**  
**CA: i just aint one to go and ruin my body like some scum a the earth felon type  
AA: having tattoos doesnt make someone a felon  
CA: perhaps not but they still make you LOOK like one an that aint my style  
CA: not to mention they're trashy lookin too**  
**AA: so does that mean i look trashy if i have tattoos**  
**CA: most likely yeah**  
**AA: well i dont have any myself but i like tattoos**  
**AA: i especially think they look great on guys**  
**CA: yeah wwell too bad cause i aint gettin none**  
**AA: i wasnt trying to persuade you into considering any but okay**  
**CA: good cause it aint gonna happen**  
**AA: youre so strange**  
**AA: oh hey its 9am**  
**AA: youre not late for work are you**  
**CA: SHIT i wwasnt wwatchin the clock**  
**CA: alright im gonna go wwith the blue tie like you said**  
**CA: thanks for the input by the wway**  
**AA: youre welcome!**  
**AA: have a good day at work**  
**AA: (heart)**  
**CA: yeah right somethin like that**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on July 3rd, 2011**  
**AA: so youll never guess what i found today!**  
**CA: some dirt an rocks i reckon**  
**CA: hmm maybe evven a stick if you wwere lucky**  
**AA: oh haha very funny mr hipster pants**  
**CA: hey wwhat did i tell you about callin me that**  
**CA: you think its funny but it aint**  
**AA: shush!**  
**AA: anyway i found some really old coins**  
**AA: like supposedly theyre supposed to date all the way back to the 1400s but were not completely sure yet!**  
**AA: we being me and my dig partner since we sort of decided to keep them for ourselves so shhh**  
**CA: keepin somethin you found for yourself oh no wwhat a rebel**  
**AA: youre just full of jokes today arent you**  
**CA: yup ivve been stock pilin them up just for you**  
**CA: but bein completely serious here thats pretty cool**  
**CA: finding coins from them middle ages**  
**CA: you think theyre wworth anythin or wwhat**  
**AA: i dont know!**  
**AA: even if they are im not going to sell them**  
**CA: wwell duh a course you shouldnt i wwas just wwonderin**  
**CA: you should keep em for yourself**  
**AA: theres six of them**  
**AA: maybe i can save one for you**  
**CA: hey yeah thatd be pretty swwell actually cause i like collectin coins**  
**CA: you find anythin else or wwhat**  
**AA: no unfortunately thats all we came across**  
**AA: i ended up on my hands in knees in a pit for 6 hours just for some coins!**  
**AA: but it was totally worth it since most days i dont find anything**  
**CA: bluh you must be fuckin filthy**  
**CA: do they let you at least clean up before trackin all that dirt into your room**  
**AA: nope!**  
**AA: which reminds me i should go jump in the shower right now**  
**AA: im so used to it i dont even really notice the fact that im covered in dirt**  
**CA: wwoww good thing you aint ovver here then**  
**CA: aint no wway id let you into my house**  
**AA: thank goodness im not your girlfriend then!**  
**CA: wwhats that supposed to mean**  
**AA: it means exactly what it sounds like**  
**AA: id hate to be left outside all alone!**  
**CA: wwell its not like id make you fuckin stay out there all night i aint rude like that**  
**CA: id just havve to hose you dowwn or somethin before comin in**  
**AA: oh that sounds fun!**  
**CA: youre nuts**  
**AA: wouldnt you be afraid of getting wet though**  
**AA: god forbid you got some mud on your shirt**  
**CA: fuck youre right**  
**CA: i guess wwed just havve to get a sprinkler system installed then**  
**CA: let you run through it**  
**AA: haha!**  
**AA: you wouldnt join me**  
**CA: no wway**  
**AA: aw come on sprinklers are fun!**  
**CA: i aint a child i got better things to do than act like one**  
**AA: jeez okay**  
**AA: party pooper**  
**AA: no wonder you dont have a girflriend**  
**CA: that aint wwhy i dont got a girlfriend an you knoww it**  
**AA: yeah i know**  
**AA: but maybe thats why she never thought to date you**  
**AA: did you ever think about that**  
**CA: hey i didnt tell you about her so you could try an play therapist to my problems alright **  
**CA: so dont evven try cause you dont knoww the half a it**  
**AA: are you sure i dont know the half of it because you sure do a lot of talking about yourself**  
**AA: ive got to at least know 2/3 of it**  
**AA: besides her name of course**  
**AA: you just really like to leave out all the fun details**  
**CA: are you mockin me**  
**AA: nope!**  
**CA: i think youre mockin me**  
**AA: wwhat makes you think that**  
**CA: yeah you are see if you wwerent mockin me then wwhy wwould you be copyin my quirk so stop**  
**CA: im bein serious**  
**AA: goodness when are you ever not serious!**  
**AA: you need to relax a little**  
**AA: youre so uptight**  
**CA: aint no time for relaxin**  
**AA: well im going to go do just that and enjoy a nice long shower!**  
**AA: goodbye!**  
**AA: (heart)**  
**apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]**  
**CA: wwait**  
**CA: hmm**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on July 14th, 2011**  
**AA: are you alright**  
**AA: i just got the messages that you sent me a few hours ago**  
**AA: they were kind of**  
**AA: um**  
**AA: hard to read**  
**AA: im going to assume they were drunk texts**  
**AA: something about a girl**  
**AA: im not too sure**  
**AA: hello**  
**AA: i just want to make sure everything is okay**  
**CA: goddammit**  
**CA: im so fuckin done wwith evverythin**  
**AA: well its a lot easier to understand what youre saying now**  
**AA: you must have sobered up**  
**CA: unfortunately**  
**CA: cant get drunk fast enough again**  
**AA: youre still drinking**  
**CA: wwell tryin to sicne its not exactly easy to drink an text at th same time**  
**AA: stop drinking and talk to me**  
**AA: i bet youll feel a lot better if you just vent to me**  
**CA: no**  
**AA: why not**  
**AA: you didnt seem to have a problem earlier even though im not too sure of what you were trying to tell me**  
**CA: wwhy**  
**AA: why what**  
**CA: wwhy fuckin me thats wwhy wwhat**  
**AA: what happened**  
**CA: evverythin happened**  
**CA: that fuckin asshole happened howw about that**  
**CA: cant evven spend twwo fuckin minutes alone wwith my supposedly best friend **  
**CA: wwho i drop EVVERYTHIN FOR in a heartbeat wwhen she neeeds me**  
**CA: cause hes more important since hes the one shes snoggin an not me**  
**CA: im just**  
**CA: so**  
**CA: fukin**  
**CA: DONE**  
**AA: oh its about her**  
**AA: im sorry**  
**CA: wwhat the hell you gots to be sorry for it aint your fault**  
**AA: maybe not but im still sorry you have to go through all of that**  
**AA: and im even more sorry for not really being able to help much**  
**AA: all i can really say is that you dont deserve it**  
**AA: and that one day she will realize that shes missing out on a good guy**  
**CA: ha wwhat a fuckin joke**  
**CA: i aint a good guy you an i both knoww it**  
**CA: especially me alright i havve to fuckin wwake up an see my goddam face in the mirror evvery single day**  
**CA: besides youre always makin fun a me so dont evven humor me**  
**AA: oh come on now**  
**AA: i dont actually mean the things i say to you**  
**AA: alright maybe i do at least a little bit but im just joking around with you!**  
**AA: youre not exactly an easy pill to swallow you knoww**  
**CA: see exactly im WWORTHLESS thanks for confirmin thatt**  
**AA: oh hush**  
**AA: that doesnt mean youre worthless**  
**AA: believe it not i bet that deep down underneath that ridiculously pompous exterior of yours is a pretty great guy**  
**CA: really**  
**CA: you really think that**  
**AA: honest!**  
**CA: i dunno **  
**CA: youre probably just sayin that to shut me up**  
**AA: no i really do mean it!**  
**AA: im hoping i even get to witness it soon**  
**CA: i doubt it but wwho knowws maybe youre right**  
**AA: maybe!**  
**CA: ugh i just wwish she thought the same wway**  
**CA: i mean i still fuckin LOVVE her you knoww **  
**CA: fuck**  
**AA: i understand i truly do**  
**AA: but sometimes the person thats right for you isnt exactly what you want at first**  
**CA: yeah wwell there aint no one else linin up to get wwith me an i dont wwant no one else so wwhen am i gonna catch a break**  
**CA: fuck my head hurts**  
**CA: this alcohol cant set in fast enough**  
**AA: perhaps if you tried to show people a nicer side of you then that would change!**  
**AA: and here**  
**AA: put the alcohol away**  
**AA: turn the messenger off**  
**AA: and go lay down and get some sleep**  
**AA: its late there and you need some rest**  
**AA: youve got to be up early tomorrow!**  
**CA: yeah i do i fuckin completely forgot abt that**  
**CA: alright fine**  
**CA: i guess ill go lay dowwn**  
**AA: good!**  
**AA: if you really need to talk more though dont hesitate to message me!**  
**CA: yeah okay**  
**AA: (heart)**  
**CA: hey wwait before i go**  
**CA: i keep forgettin to ask you wwhat the hell is the deal with the hearts**  
**CA: i mean dont get me wwrong theyre cute an evverythin but wwhy are you sendin them to me**  
**CA: unless you actually mean them i dont wwant them you knoww**  
**CA: ivve been put through enough emotional fuckin torture for twwo lifetimes i think**  
**AA: well good thing i do mean them then!**  
**CA: you care about me**  
**AA: of course i do!**  
**AA: even though you can be a bit of a jerk youre still my friend**  
**AA: why wouldnt i**  
**CA: huh**  
**CA: wwell alright**  
**CA: thanks**  
**AA: :D**  
**AA: goodnight!**  
**CA: yeah night**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on July 15th, 2011**  
**CA: i knoww its late ovver there so i dont expect you to respond or anythin**  
**CA: but i just wwanted to talk about wwhat happened yesterday**  
**CA: you knoww**  
**CA: wwhen i kinda**  
**CA: made an ass of myself**  
**CA: look i aint usually like that so i hope you dont think im a complete joke**  
**CA: i dont go around complainin about my problems let alone my lovve life**  
**CA: last night wwas kinda a fluke you knoww**  
**CA: just had a bad day is all**  
**CA: decided to drowwn my issues out wwith a couple a drinks wwith my friend**  
**CA: hes good to vvent to you knoww **  
**CA: alwways there to listen wwhen you need him**  
**CA: evven though hes a little hot headed heh hes a great guy**  
**CA: anywway yeah i just wwanted to sort of say sorry for burdenin you wwith all a that**  
**CA: i dunno wwhy i evven thought itd be a good idea to talk to you about it**  
**CA: not that it wwasnt i mean really you uh**  
**CA: you helped me out a lot**  
**CA: so i guess i also wwanted to thank you for puttin up wwith all a that**  
**CA: cause you really didnt havve to but you did**  
**CA: so yeah**  
**CA: thanks**  
**CA: an i wwas also thinkin about howw**  
**CA: you knoww wwhat**  
**CA: nevvermind**  
**CA: um**  
**CA: yeah i wwanted to say a feww other things but its probably best if i just dont say anythin**  
**CA: ivve embarassed myself enough in the past 48 hours**  
**CA: alright ill leavve you alone noww**  
**CA: lets agree to nevver bring up this stupid fuckin monologue a mine**  
**CA: ill message you later on at a more decent hour**  
**CA: hope youre sleepin wwell**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on July 29th, 2011**  
**AA: are you getting my messages now**  
**CA: yeah theyre comin through**  
**AA: okay good!**  
**AA: sorry about that**  
**AA: my computer has been acting weird lately**  
**AA: i had to switch to my phone**  
**CA: no wworries its probably ovverloaded from us talkin so much on it haha**  
**AA: i wouldnt doubt it!**  
**CA: actually hey **  
**CA: noww that i remember ivve been meanin to bring somethin up**  
**AA: like what**  
**CA: wwell you knoww**  
**CA: wwevve been talkin for almost twwo wwhole months noww**  
**CA: an i wwas thinkin **  
**CA: that you knoww**  
**CA: you should send me a picture**  
**AA: excuse me**  
**AA: a picture**  
**CA: yeah a yourself**  
**CA: so i knoww wwhat you look like**  
**AA: are you being serious**  
**CA: wwell duh i mean look it aint that much trouble**  
**CA: youre on your phone right noww aint you**  
**CA: i knoww the messenger app can handle images so just snap a picture or twwo an send it**  
**AA: im not sending you any pictures of me!**  
**CA: wwhat wwhy not**  
**AA: because it wouldnt be fair!**  
**CA: huh**  
**AA: heres the deal**  
**AA: if you send me a picture of you then ill send one of me!**  
**CA: no wway i already told you before i aint givvin you no pictures**  
**AA: so you wont show me what you look like but im supposed to show you what i look like**  
**AA: is that it**  
**CA: wwell yeah **  
**CA: i think i deservve it**  
**AA: you are something else do you know that**  
**CA: alright FINE**  
**CA: just**  
**CA: do wwhat i did then and describe to me wwhat you look like**  
**AA: why are you so interested in how i look all of a sudden**  
**AA: where did this sudden burst of interest come from**  
**CA: come on just givve me some fuckin ideas**  
**CA: please is that wwhat you wwanna hear**  
**CA: please**  
**AA: you know**  
**AA: youve been acting kind of weird the past few days**  
**AA: and you could have gone without using the f word just fine**  
**AA: now i dont think i want to tell you**  
**CA: i didnt mean nothin by it its just a damn wword alright**  
**CA: okay fine i take it back howws that**  
**CA: noww please just tell me**  
**AA: you sound a bit desperate**  
**CA: i aint desperate**  
**AA: and in a hurry**  
**AA: are you **  
**AA: you know**  
**AA: doing something you shouldnt be doing**  
**CA: WWHAT NO**  
**CA: i aint doin none a wwhat you think im doin**  
**CA: i just wwanna knoww **  
**CA: ivve been kinda wwonderin lately is all**  
**CA: especially wwhenevver you leavve to take a showwer and youre gone for like EVVER**  
**CA: wwhat is evven up wwith that**  
**AA: well i have a lot of hair to wash!**  
**AA: and brush out afterwards or else itll get really tangled**  
**CA: really huh**  
**CA: is it curly**  
**CA: wwhat color is it**  
**AA: sort of!**  
**AA: and its dark brown**  
**AA: nothing special**  
**CA: tell me more**  
**AA: more what**  
**CA: about wwhat you look like of course**  
**AA: oh!**  
**AA: um well i have hazel eyes and id say im a little under average height**  
**AA: im also on the thicker side in terms of weight i guess**  
**AA: i dont mind it though! **  
**CA: heh thats kinda cute**  
**AA: what is**  
**CA: evverythin**  
**CA: you sound real pretty lookin**  
**AA: thanks!**  
**CA: kinda sucks you wwont showw me a picture though**  
**AA: you know the deal**  
**AA: your picture gets mine!**  
**CA: yeah yeah so ivve heard**  
**CA: ill just havve to use my imagination**  
**AA: seems like it!**  
**CA: ugh i gotta go theres an emergency at wwork**  
**CA: fuckin idiots cant do their job i swwear**  
**AA: well that sounds a bit harsh dont you think**  
**CA: not at all they kneww wwhat they wwere gettin into wwhen they wwere hired so i aint got no pity for their dumbasses**  
**CA: ill talk to you later tonight if youre up**  
**AA: hopefully youll be in a better mood then**  
**AA: goodbye!**  
**AA: (heart)**  
**CA: yeah hopeful fuckin ly**  
**CA: bye**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 8th, 2011**  
**CA: hey you there**  
**AA: yup!**  
**CA: thank GOD i thought i wwas gonna die of boredom if you wwerent**  
**AA: haha**  
**AA: nothing to do over there i suppose**  
**CA: other than wwatch my stupid brother dye his hair no**  
**CA: i aint got nothin to do its so wweird**  
**CA: no calls to answwer no emails to read i got too much time on my hands an evveryones too busy to hangout**  
**AA: you never told me you had a brother**  
**CA: yeah he livves wwith me **  
**CA: he aint nothin like me though**  
**CA: all he does is hit on evveryone an make shitty music**  
**CA: and he wwonders wwhy no one wwants anythin to do wwith him**  
**CA: its pretty fuckin sad if you ask me**  
**AA: i know what you mean in terms of having a sibling who hits on everyone**  
**AA: my older sister is the same way**  
**AA: except im sure she does it because nobody can understand her and not because shes actually desperate**  
**AA: she just likes to see people squirm for some odd reason**  
**CA: wwhy cant no one understand her**  
**AA: she speaks in japanese to give people a hard time**  
**AA: i cant even understand her myself because i only know english**  
**AA: shes a real treat**  
**CA: youre japanese**  
**CA: you didnt say anythin about that**  
**CA: thats really cool**  
**AA: i didnt think itd be worth mentioning since you can hardly tell to be honest**  
**AA: im mixed with a lot of things**  
**CA: kinda like a mutt huh**  
**AA: excuse me**  
**AA: did you just call me a dog**  
**CA: wwhat no i called you a mutt**  
**CA: i guess yeah kinda like a dog but thats not wwhat i wwas goin for**  
**CA: i meant mutt as in you knoww howw mutts got all kinds a different breeds mixed in an wwhatevver**  
**CA: so yeah**  
**AA: i dont know whether to be offended or not**  
**CA: nah **  
**CA: like evven though purebreds are wworth wway more an are better ovverall**  
**CA: some mutts are pretty good too**  
**CA: so its kinda like im complimentin you**  
**AA: i**  
**AA: what**  
**AA: really**  
**CA: alright wwould multi cultural be a better wword or**  
**AA: youre saying im "pretty good" for someone who isnt a single ethnicity**  
**CA: so**  
**AA: thats incredibly rude!**  
**CA: ok yeah MAYBE it sounds bad wwhen you say it that wway**  
**AA: no **  
**AA: it doesnt just sound bad**  
**AA: it is bad!**  
**AA: and downright racist if im being completely honest!**  
**CA: are you nuts i aint racist**  
**AA: thinking that someone who isnt a "purebred" is only "pretty good" is racist!**  
**CA: look there aint nothin wwrong wwith preferrin someone wwhos of a superior bloodline**  
**AA: oh my god**  
**CA: an hey i didnt mean YOU specifically wwere pretty good so dont wworry about it**  
**CA: i think youre actually really great so thats gotta count for somethin right**  
**AA: you are just**  
**AA: so**  
**AA: im done with you**  
**CA: wwhat**  
**AA: im not going to waste my time talking to some asshole whos head is stuck in some 1930s era nazi germany**  
**AA: goodbye**  
**CA: no wwait**  
**apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]**  
**CA: oh COME ON**  
**CA: IM NOT A NAZI**  
**CA: ugh **  
**CA: wwell fuck**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 9th, 2011**  
**CA: hey**  
**CA: are you there**  
**CA: i didnt get a goodnight message from you yesterday**  
**CA: just wwanted to make sure evverythin is alright**  
**CA: hello**  
**CA: come on talk to me **  
**CA: wwhats up**  
**CA: seriously youre still upset about the wwhole mutt thing really**  
**CA: it wwasnt evven that big a deal youre bein ridiculous**  
**CA: im not racist ok so get that outta your head**  
**CA: but YOU are definitely bein childish right noww**  
**CA: so come on get ovver it already**  
**CA: hello**  
**CA: wwoww WWHY do i evven put up wwith you**  
**CA: i already told you that i think youre actually pretty great aint that enough**  
**CA: IM NOT RACIST alright fuck wwhat more do you wwant from me**  
**CA: wwhatevver fine be a fuckin bitch about it i dont care**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**  
**CA: wwait look i didnt mean to call you that**  
**CA: i guess i just lost my temper there for a second so yeah**  
**CA: come on talk to me**  
**AA: **  
**AA: **  
**AA: **  
**AA: here are some useful articles from the UCLA sociology department**  
**AA: i recommend also visiting the library to pick up some books on the subject**  
**AA: unfortunately i do not have any articles on how to be less of a pretentious asshole**  
**AA: enjoy your studies**  
**CA: wwait a second**  
**apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]**  
**CA: FUCK**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 13th, 2011**  
**CA: so i read those articles you sent me **  
**CA: twice believe it or not**  
**CA: im gonna be honest and tell you i didnt go the library though cause thats just dumb**  
**CA: an also i didnt know if you were bein serious**  
**CA: but i did check out a couple of other things online so i figure that should count for somethin right**  
**CA: whatever thats not the point the point is that i actually did what you said**  
**CA: an i**  
**CA: fuck**  
**CA: look alright im sure you probably dont wanna talk to me**  
**CA: actually i KNOW you dont wanna talk to me cause you havent answered any a my messages that i sent you over the past couple a days**  
**CA: which frankly i dont appreciate if im bein completely honest**  
**CA: but id really like it if you would just talk to me**  
**CA: an maybe give me a chance to you know **  
**CA: apologize**  
**CA: cause im sorry**  
**CA: like honest to god i aint just sayin this so we could put this all behind us and move on**  
**CA: i even stopped with my dumb typin quirk if that means anythin see**  
**CA: you gotta cut me some slack here if this aint the apology you were lookin for though cause i aint really used to sayin sorry**  
**CA: never really had to an never thought i WOULD have to**  
**CA: but those articles got me thinkin about that conversation we had an a lot of other things**  
**CA: an i guess you could say im a changed man i dunno thats pretty stupid if you ask me**  
**CA: maybe itd make more sense to say im TRYIN to change**  
**CA: fuck the point is that im willin alright cause you were right**  
**CA: you were totally fuckin right**  
**CA: it aint easy to swallow your pride not for me at least an ill admit that**  
**CA: so id like it if you didnt throw this back in my face or something later on**  
**CA: also aa i really hope that you know i think youre great an that i dont think of you as someone below me all genetic issues aside**  
**CA: which like i said im workin on dealin with but yeah**  
**CA: i still think youre a mutt cause come on its a fuckin FACT since you got all kinds a different ethnicities **  
**CA: but i also understand that dont make you any less of a person than me now**  
**CA: actually i guess you could say im kinda jealous cause it just makes you more unique**  
**CA: but yeah i totally think of you as an equal if that counts for anythin**  
**CA: an im gonna do my best to start treatin you as such cause its true**  
**CA: cause if theres anythin i learned over the past few days besides the stuff i read**  
**CA: its that you dont fuckin joke around when youre ignorin someone**  
**CA: an also that losin you as a whatever it is youre supposed to be to me would fuckin blow**  
**CA: youre probably the only real friend ive ever had that i made on my own and didnt have forced onto me from childhood or somethin**  
**CA: an dont laugh but goin to bed without those stupid goodnight messages a yours especially with the hearts just aint the same**  
**CA: so there i just laid it all out like a fuckin loser now waitin to hear what youve gotta say**  
**CA: you probably aint even gonna answer me im fuckin pathetic**  
**CA: alright well thanks for even listenin if you did**  
**CA: i appreciate it**  
**CA: thanks for everythin**  
**AA: wow**  
**AA: ive got to hand it to you**  
**AA: i certainly wasnt expecting such a lovely apology!**  
**CA: holy SHIT you actually responded**  
**CA: an yeah well you better believe that shit was heartfelt as fuck**  
**AA: i can tell!**  
**AA: it must have been very hard for you to say sorry**  
**AA: also you can resume your quirk if youd like**  
**CA: i cant tell if you wwere bein sarcastic but thanks**  
**CA: its fuckin wweird typin wwithout it cause im so used to it**  
**AA: dont worry**  
**AA: i wasnt being sarcastic**  
**AA: i really do think it was tough for you to apologize**  
**CA: it wwas**  
**CA: but i really meant it **  
**CA: and it wwas wworth it see youre talkin to me**  
**CA: so are you gonna actually stick around noww**  
**AA: no**  
**CA: oh**  
**CA: so i guess you just wwanted to say youre done wwith me huh**  
**AA: wrong again!**  
**AA: you couldnt be farther from the truth**  
**AA: i accept your apology**  
**CA: wwhat really**  
**CA: then wwhy aint you gonna talk to me**  
**AA: because im late for class!**  
**AA: i just came in to grab my phone and the books that i forgot**  
**AA: and i happened to notice that you had messaged me**  
**CA: so**  
**CA: wwere cool noww**  
**CA: like wwe can talk after you get out of class**  
**AA: sure!**  
**CA: wwoww**  
**CA: like ok dont get me wwrong im fuckin ecstactic that youre not mad at me anymore**  
**CA: but i just**  
**CA: i dont understand howw you can forgivve me so easily wwhen you wwere hellbent on ignorin me no more than 30 minutes ago**  
**AA: just because i forgive you doesnt mean im not still mad at you because i am**  
**AA: even though i accept your apology**  
**AA: which i have no doubts whatsoever was "heartfelt as fuck"**  
**AA: im still very upset with you!**  
**CA: yet you still wwanna talk to me**  
**AA: of course i do**  
**AA: because everything that you told me just proved me right**  
**CA: right about wwhat**  
**AA: that youre not so bad and that you do have a heart!**  
**AA: and if youre honestly willing to work on your problems then im willing to talk to you**  
**AA: because id hate for us to stop talking just as much as you would**  
**AA: youre a pretty cool guy underneath all that pompous douchiness! **  
**AA: :D**  
**CA: i cant tell if you just complimented me or insulted me**  
**AA: welcome to the club**  
**CA: look im just glad wwere alright noww**  
**CA: an hey if you wwant wwhen you get back from class **  
**CA: maybe wwe can wwatch a movvie**  
**CA: wwe havvent done that in a wwhile**  
**CA: you can evven pick an i wwont bitch if its a one a those silly ghost movvies**  
**AA: that sounds awesome!**  
**CA: great ill be wwaiting for ya**  
**AA: bye!**  
**AA: (heart)**  
**CA: heh**  
**CA: (heart)**  
**apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging aligulasAquarium [CA]**

* * *

**apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on August 20th, 2011**  
**AA: alright im back!**  
**CA: finally**  
**CA: you took your swweet time didnt you**  
**AA: well cooking is an artform that cant be rushed you know**  
**CA: you wwere makin mac an cheese**  
**CA: an not evven the good kind it wwas that kraft boxed shit**  
**AA: hey that is the best kind!**  
**CA: no wway its disgustin**  
**AA: please**  
**AA: your taste in food is just as horrible as your taste in fashion!**  
**AA: :P**  
**CA: hey noww you cant evven make fun a me for that anymore since youre the one wwho helped me pick out wwhat to buy**  
**CA: so if anyones to blame for my fashion sense its you**  
**AA: yeah now you actually look normal**  
**AA: haha just kidding!**  
**CA: heh you better be**  
**CA: that fuckin swweater vvest is itchy as hell**  
**AA: but i bet you look great in it**  
**CA: yeah i did get quite a feww compliments on it so i gotta givve that to you**  
**CA: evven SHE said i looked real good actually**  
**AA: oh really**  
**AA: how have things been with her by the way**  
**AA: you havent brought her up at all lately**  
**CA: aint no reason to bring her up really **  
**CA: havvent evven been thinkin too much about her either**  
**CA: not in that sense anyway wwhich is amazin**  
**CA: my minds kinda been on someone else you knoww**  
**AA: and who might that be if i may ask**  
**CA: im not tellin you**  
**AA: aw why not!**  
**CA: cause you should already knoww**  
**AA: is it me**  
**CA: maybe wwho knowws**  
**AA: 0u0**  
**CA: oh god not that dumb face again**  
**AA: yeah it does look pretty stupid doesnt it**  
**AA: anyways**  
**AA: what were we talking about before i had to go**  
**CA: i asked wwhat you wwanted to do after college**  
**CA: like you knoww wwhat you wwere lookin to do longterm in life**  
**AA: oh yeah!**  
**AA: wow thats got to be the first time you ever asked about my interests**  
**CA: yeah i kinda realized that too but ivve been wwonderin a lot lately**  
**CA: besides you knoww all about wwhat i wwanna do an stuff but i dunno about you**  
**CA: that dont seem fair if you ask me**  
**AA: well i was planning on doing exactly what im doing now after i graduate**  
**CA: wwhat like goin around the wworld an diggin holes **  
**CA: really**  
**AA: yeah why not!**  
**AA: its fun the pay is great you get to meet all kinds of new people and travel and most of all learn!**  
**CA: i mean i guess that sounds nice an all on paper or wwhatevver but like**  
**CA: are you evver gonna actually be home**  
**AA: of course ill be home**  
**AA: ill be home a lot!**  
**CA: wwhat will do you then**  
**AA: probably work in a museum or in a university lab analyzing data**  
**AA: maybe even teaching a college course!**  
**CA: hmm**  
**AA: hmm what**  
**CA: so wwhen you leavve howw long wwill you be gone for**  
**AA: you seem to be quite interested in where ill be haha**  
**AA: but it can range anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 months usually**  
**AA: its actually why my ex broke up with me you know**  
**CA: wwhat he broke up wwith you cause youd be gone a lot**  
**AA: yeah**  
**AA: i guess the fact that my job occasionally requires extensive travel wasnt his favorite thing in the world**  
**CA: wwell thats stupid **  
**CA: couldnt he a came wwith you or somethin**  
**AA: in a lot of cases yes he could have**  
**AA: he was a bit of a homebody though**  
**CA: i am too but id a gone wwith you if you wwere gonna be gone for more than 2 wweeks so he aint got no fuckin excuse**  
**AA: really**  
**CA: really wwhat**  
**AA: youd really come with me**  
**CA: a course **  
**CA: i mean i aint the biggest fan a meetin neww people an there aint no fuckin wway im gonna be rollin in the mud wwith you**  
**CA: but that dont mean i wwouldnt go an wwait for you back at our room or hotel or wwhat the fuck evver you got wwhen youre out there**  
**AA: you have no idea how much that means to me**  
**AA: thank you**  
**AA: :D**  
**CA: id make a smiley face but all a them are fuckin dumb lookin but youre wwelcome**  
**AA: haha**  
**AA: i wish i could have seen this side of you much earlier!**  
**CA: wwhat do you mean**  
**AA: you know **  
**AA: how youre being a lot more nicer and sort of even fun!**  
**AA: what made you open up**  
**CA: heh wwouldnt you like to knoww**  
**AA: uh yeah actually!**  
**CA: hey hold on i gotta swwitch to my phone**  
**CA: be right back**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

* * *

**apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on August 26th, 2011**  
**AA: goodmorning!**  
**AA: 0u0**  
**AA: are you awake**  
**AA: get up sleepyhead**  
**AA: hey wake up!**  
**CA: ugh mornin**  
**CA: its too early for this bullshit**  
**CA: can i just crawl back into bed**  
**AA: you can go back to sleep after your presentation**  
**CA: fuck that stupid powwerpoint its dumb**  
**CA: i dont wwanna do it i dont wwanna go to that meetin**  
**AA: you put so much time and effort into it though!**  
**AA: plus im sure it looks great**  
**AA: not that i can be certain since youre so secretive about it for some reason**  
**AA: but im sure youll win over these clients of yours!**  
**CA: pfft a course ill win them ovver there aint no doubt about that**  
**CA: i just wwould rather stay in and catch some shut eye ya know**  
**CA: fuck im so tired**  
**AA: hey i tried to tell you to go to sleep early last night but youre the one who wanted to stay up so late!**  
**CA: wwell wwe wwere talkin an i didnt wwanna stop**  
**AA: and now you have to pay the price**  
**AA: was it worth it**  
**CA: definitely**  
**CA: wwe dont get to talk enough cause of the fuckin time difference its ridiculous**  
**AA: i agree but you cant put your job on the line just to talk with some girl in france**  
**CA: but you aint just some girl wwhat are you talkin about**  
**CA: i mean sure at first you wwere but things are different noww right**  
**AA: yet you still wont tell me your name or let me see what you look like**  
**CA: youll find all that out wwhen wwe meet wwhen you come back to towwn**  
**AA: i dont want to wait that long though!**  
**AA: will you at least just humor me and tell me what it is you even do for a job**  
**AA: what is the big deal with this powerpoint and these contracts you talk about**  
**AA: who are these important people youre supposed to be meeting with all the time**  
**CA: i get them to sign contracts sayin that theyll buy or rent marine vvessels**  
**CA: i aint sayin nothin more alright so dont expect a full description **  
**AA: marine vessels**  
**AA: so**  
**AA: youre a boat salesman**  
**CA: sure i guess**  
**AA: thats what youre so secretive about**  
**AA: i dont see why you couldnt have told me sooner**  
**CA: i dont really sell boats though but like i said i aint givvin you a full description a my job**  
**AA: okay okay!**  
**AA: you dont need to get snappy with me**  
**CA: i aint gettin snappy i just**  
**CA: look i gotta go im gonna be late alright ill message you later to tell you if i got the contract signed or not**  
**AA: i thought you said you had no doubts about winning them over**  
**CA: yeah and i WWILL**  
**AA: youre nervous**  
**CA: no im not**  
**AA: youre a little nervous**  
**CA: i aint nervvous ivve got this in the bag**  
**AA: its okay**  
**AA: youll do great**  
**AA: i promise!**  
**CA: you think so really**  
**AA: i honestly do**  
**CA: thanks**  
**AA: (heart)**  
**CA: (heart)**  
**caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**

**caligulasAquarium [CA] began messaging apocolypseArisen [AA] on August 26th, 2011**  
**CA: hey **  
**CA: so wwoww i got the contract signed**  
**CA: im fuckin RELIEVVED about it alright it wwas one a my biggest clients evver**  
**CA: hey are you there**  
**AA: woo!**  
**AA: sorry i was doing some laundry and didnt notice that you messaged me**  
**AA: but either way congratuations!**  
**AA: i knew youd do it!**  
**CA: yeah haha i mean i kneww i wwas gonna get them anywway but still**  
**AA: oh hush**  
**AA: admit it**  
**AA: you thought you werent going to**  
**CA: are you kiddin me no wway **  
**AA: you are so full of yourself sometimes i swear**  
**CA: so uh hey**  
**CA: you should givve me your address**  
**AA: what **  
**AA: why**  
**CA: so i can send you somethin duh thats wwhy**  
**AA: why would you send me something though**  
**AA: or even what would you send me**  
**CA: god you ask too many questions just givve me your address alright i just wwanna send you somethin**  
**AA: it cant wait until i come home like everything apparently can**  
**CA: no this is important i gotta send it noww**  
**AA: fine**  
**AA: i forgot you had to have everything your way haha**  
**AA: ill send it to you in an email so it doesnt get lost among our conversations**  
**CA: do it noww so i can send it tonight wwhen i go to class**  
**AA: done and done!**  
**AA: i cant really stick around to talk much right now though**  
**AA: i need to finish up folding clothes and get ready for my classmates party**  
**CA: youre goin to a party**  
**CA: wwill you have your phone on you so wwe can talk**  
**AA: well i was planning on leaving my phone in my room**  
**CA: wwhy not bring it wwith you**  
**AA: because i want to enjoy the party and not get distracted!**  
**CA: oh**  
**CA: wwell alright i guess i think you shoud take your phone though**  
**CA: cause i mean it might be a borin party an i mean you can talk to me if it is**  
**CA: plus wwhat if theres an emergency you should alwways be prepared right**  
**AA: you dont want me to go do you**  
**CA: i wwas just hopin wwe could talk a little longer**  
**AA: ill talk to you tomorrow i promise!**  
**CA: alright fine i guess thats cool**  
**CA: you gonna be drinkin or wwhat**  
**AA: perhaps!**  
**CA: if you do be careful alright just bring your phone in case you need it**  
**CA: an maybe just shoot me a message evvery couple a hours **  
**CA: so i knoww youre okay an evverythin**  
**AA: if it will make you feel better then okay i will**  
**CA: is that one guy roommate a yours gonna be there too**  
**AA: oh my god**  
**AA: bye!**  
**apocolypseArisen [AA] ceased messaging caligulasAquarium [CA]**

* * *

**apocolypseArisen [AA] began messaging caligulasAquarium [CA] on September 7th, 2011**  
**AA: so i just got the package that you sent**  
**AA: and **  
**AA: oh my god**  
**AA: i dont even know what to say!**  
**CA: haha you like it**  
**CA: did i pick the right color**  
**AA: yes i love it but are you insane!**  
**AA: you wont even tell me your name but youll buy me things worth a weeks pay  
AA: i mean this coat costs $500!  
CA: wwell you said that you liked it that one time so i figured wwhy not  
AA: i thought that we were just showing each other things that we thought were nice!  
CA: wwe wwere but i wwanted to get you that so sue me  
CA: besides itll start to be gettin pretty chilly soon enough an if youre gonna be there in december then wwoww  
CA: itll probably be fuckin cold as ice so that can keep you nice an wwarm  
CA: i evven sent you a matchin scarf i think youll like it  
CA: it should be in the same box check under the wwrapping  
CA: i got the same one cept its in blue  
AA: oh  
AA: my  
AA: god  
CA: wwhat you dont like it do you  
AA: no no i love it!  
AA: i absolutely love it  
AA: its perfect!  
AA: but  
CA: but wwhat  
AA: you do know its actually pretty warm here  
AA: september is actually a really nice month here in france!  
AA: and even in december it usually isnt cold enough for snow  
CA: fuck  
CA: i guess i should havve done some research on the wweather there huh  
AA: well hey i can always use it for the days that its really cold though  
AA: especially for when i come back home!  
CA: yeah youre right  
CA: but you really like it  
CA: like wwould you rather return it an get yourself somethin else cause i got the reciept  
AA: no way i love it  
AA: this is the exact one ive been wanting forever!  
AA: thank you so much  
AA: youre the best!  
CA: (heart)  
AA: (heart)  
CA: if you think thats nice wwait til you see wwhat else i sent ya  
AA: wait  
AA: what  
CA: heh  
caligulasAquarium [CA] ceased messaging apocolypseArisen [AA]**


End file.
